Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Infinite Grace

I was preparing my teaching the other day, and after some studying I decided to do some mindless reading on my laptop. My brain was tired, and I didn't want to have to think that hard. I found something that fit the bill-What Super Powers Do Celebrities Want? I began clicking through the slide show and saw the expected-the ability to fly, the ability to be invisible, climb buildings like Spider-Man, and the power to heal myself and others. But then I saw one that stopped me dead in my tracks. Actor Adrian Grenier said 2 simple words-"infinite grace". What was supposed to be mindless reading turned into deep ponder as I couldn't get these words out of my head. Infinite grace. What would it look like to have this super power? What would my life look like if I extended grace?

As much as I might have wanted for these 2 words to get out of my head, they just wouldn't leave. I found it odd though, because it isn't like I haven't thought of grace before. I know I have been given infinite grace through Christ's work on the Cross. I know my sins have been forgiven, because God poured His grace out on me. One of my favorite songs is "Amazing Grace" so why? Why couldn't I get these words out of my head? Because we have a wonderful God who meets us where we are. You see, God knew that I needed to ponder these words like I have never pondered them before. I had been hurt by some people, and I didn't want to be gracious to the one's who hurt me. I wanted to just be left alone, isolate myself, and slowly let the hurt consume me. Not that I was admitting that the hurt was consuming me. Nope. "I was going to be just fine," I would say. Just. Fine.

Thankfully, God knows best. So through an unlikely source, God met me right where I was, right in the middle of my pain and stubbornness, right in the middle of my anger with 2 words-infinite grace.

One of the people who hurt me was my husband. I didn't feel valued or worth it to him. I didn't
feel like he wanted to give his time or money. And we had been through this many other times in our 13 years of marriage with, I am sure, more to come. This seems to be our thing. Some couples have their song-we have our "fight". Well, this time I was sick and tired of being on this merry go round, and I was getting off! This was the last time, because quite frankly going round and round in circles is boring, and I get motion sickness really bad. So I jumped off; disengaged, stopped talking about it, refused to talk about it. All the while telling myself that I was doing the right thing, but I had left my partner, my lover, my best friend on the playground by himself. He was still on the merry go round, begging me to get back on with him so we can figure out how to get off TOGETHER!

So where does grace fit into all of this? Well, I didn't want to extend grace to him; because by golly, he had hurt me. And you know what comes right behind grace don't you? Forgiveness. They are connected I tell you. Wherever grace is, forgiveness is not far behind. Just look at God. Right behind God's grace came the cross where Jesus Christ shed His blood so that we can have forgiveness. And I didn't want to forgive. I wanted to stay mad, but those 2 words haunted me-infinite grace. Grace that I can give, because I have received grace from God, as well as from my husband.

And so I find myself back on the playground, jumping onto that merry go round. I hope I don't get off until we both jump together. I know I am sick of it, and that I get motion sickness really bad; but hey, I did say "in sickness and in health" when I married him!

Infinite grace. Ponder those 2 words today and see where they lead you. You never know-you just might find yourself on the playground.

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