Monday, February 21, 2011

Music Monday

"Music Monday"
I wasn't going to blog today. As a matter of fact, I wasn't going to do anything at all. After 2 very long days, I am tired. I was sitting on the couch doing nothing, but the laundry began to laugh at me as I watched it multiply before my eyes, and the stench from the kitty litter began to burn my nose hairs. The sight of the Other Nut outside doing yard work didn't help either so I decided to peel myself off of the couch and find something to do. I put away some towels, started a load of laundry, and cleaned the kitty litter-I just might call it a day.

As I was grabbing the dirty towels, I found myself thinking about something that I heard someone say (I remember that her name was Aubry, I heard her at a We:Teach training course, and she said something that has stuck with me). What she said was this: "Too much or not enough". She said this to describe the 2 ways that she often found herself feeling. It resonated with me, because I think this describes the way a lot of us feel during our life. I think it sums up so many different experiences that we all face. Too much or not enough. I don't know why this phrase popped into my head. Maybe it was the guilt I was feeling for being lazy while the Other Nut was working. Maybe I was feeling like I was too lazy and not working hard enough. Whatever it was, I remembered this phrase that so adequately describes my many thoughts which then reminded me of a song so a "Music Monday" it is.

Have you ever felt this way; too much or not enough? We are either too emotional, too irrational, too picky, too controlling, too fat, too skinny, too scared; the list could go on. Just put whatever emotion fits for you at any given time. What about the times we feel that we are not enough? Not spiritual enough (or else I would be homeschooling, growing my own organic vegetables in the backyard, cooking everything from scratch, waking up at 5 a.m. to spend time with God and exercise, always looking put together, having craft time with all 3 kids everyday, sewing my own clothes plus my kids, and all while smiling and never losing my patience. I know that sounds crazy, but we do put that amount of stress on ourselves as women.), not happy enough, not in good enough shape, not kind enough, not patient enough, not wise enough, not pretty enough, not trendy enough, not rich enough, not a good enough mom and wife; again, this list could go on.

Well, JJ Heller sings a song called "True Things" written by her, David Heller, and Andrew Osenga. I love this song, because it speaks to this notion of being too much or not enough. You can read the lyrics below or listen to it on my playlist. It is a great song that really reminds me that I am not the sum of my mistakes, my past, my accomplishments, or my material things that I have or don't have. All of these things can make me feel at times that I am too much or not enough. And these things do not define me. I am neither too much or not enough. I am who I am, and this is true because of Christ and His love. I am loved and free from the bondage of feeling that I am too much or not enough. I will choose and work at believing the true things that do define me; the fact that I am a sinner saved by grace and loved madly by Jesus, that I am a work in progress constantly being cracked open to become more like Jesus, that I need to welcome this cracking process so I don't stay stagnant in my faith, and that instead of being too much or not enough, I am worth it to Jesus who died on the cross for me. I am choosing to wake up to the love of Christ. And with that, I am going to continue to do nothing for the rest of the day, because I am not defined by one day of laziness.

"True Things" by JJ Heller

I’m not the clothes I’m wearing
I’m not a photograph
I’m not the car I drive

I’m not the money I make
I’m not the things I lack
I’m not the songs that I write

I am … who I am
I am who I am

There are true things inside of me
I have been afraid to see
I believe, help my unbelief
Would you say again what you said to me
I am loved and I am free
I believe, help my unbelief

I’m not the house I live in
I’m not the man I love
I’m not the mistakes that I carry

I’m not the food that I don’t eat
I’m not what I’m above
I’m not my scars and my history

There are true things inside of me
I have been afraid to see
I believe, help my unbelief
Would you say again what you said to me
I am loved and I am free
I believe, help my unbelief

To your love I’m waking up
In your love I’m waking up

1 comment:

Cheryl said...

Great post, Tami! And I am so glad you are blogging!

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