Wednesday, April 6, 2011

It's Up to Me

But Jesus was waiting on me. He is good at that. You see, it wasn't all about me, but it was all up to me.

I know this sentence can make it seem like I was relying on my own strength to do the right thing, make things better. That is not my intention-I clearly know that left to my own devices, I would choose the wrong thing. My intention is to convey that I was the only thing left in the equation to do the right thing. Jesus made that very clear one day soon after my meltdown.

The Other Nut had done everything he could to gain back trust and forgiveness. He had loved me well as we navigated restoration. He had been incredibly patient, allowing me to process my pain, hurt, and betrayal my own way and in my own time. The Other Nut had done his part.

Jesus had provided me with the strength to forgive. Jesus had already commanded that I forgive. Jesus had already brought us so far. Jesus had done His part.

The rest was up to me.

Jesus gently reminded me that only I could make the decision to make these 2 days better. It was only I that could choose to look at these days differently. The Other Nut couldn't make me. My friends couldn't make me. And even though Jesus could, He made it pretty clear that He wouldn't. Me making my own decision to change these days was to be part of my healing and extending total forgiveness to the Other Nut.

And it became so clear-I had a decision to make. I realized that these days didn't have to hold bad memories. I could make new ones; ones that spoke of God's faithfulness.

This Mother's Day, I am celebrating until my heart bursts with happiness, because I have 3 amazing children who love to honor me on this day, 1 amazing husband that fought long and hard for this marriage, and 1 big God that poured out His mercy on us.

And May 15th? I will celebrate again. No longer will I see this day as one of the darkest days of  my life, but I will choose, thanks to the grace of Jesus, to see this day as the beginning of an incredible journey. Yes, that journey was hard. Yes, that journey was long. And yes, that journey was scary. But that journey also brought about a lot of cracking that needed to be done. That journey brought about a deeper marriage and a stronger love. And that journey brought about healing to a wounded soul. May 15th-a day that I will choose to praise Jesus.

And those, my friends, are reasons worth celebrating!


Kara said...

I love this.
Love it.

"Ima" said...

Thanks Kara. I am looking forward to making new memories on these 2 days. All I can say is Praise God!

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