So, I went to the bank today. To some that may not seem like a big deal, but to me-it's huge. This was the second time in 13 years of marriage that I went to the bank by myself like a grown up. I know. Pitiful right? But here's the thing-for 13 years of our marriage, our bank was at the Other Nut's work place. There was absolutely no reason for me to go, unless you count needing to learn how to go to the bank as a reason.
The first time I went, all I had to do was a cash withdrawal. I couldn't hide behind the ATM either, because I needed other bills besides just 20's. I figured this should be easy enough-all you have to do is fill out a little slip of paper, or so I thought. I ended up having to ask the lady to help me fill out the withdrawal slip. I felt like a complete dork as I listened to her instructions, while at the same time my kids were going bonkers in the van. I'm sure I looked like a great mom.
Well, I had to go back today, but I decided I would go through the drive through with my head held high-I mean, how hard can this be the second time? Surely I would remember how to fill out that little slip. Well, apparently I don't have that great of a memory. Once again, I found myself asking questions. I must have looked like a lost little puppy, because the lady just said, "I'll fill out the rest for you." Gee, thanks lady.
I got my money and went home-only to find out I had done it ALL wrong. I was supposed to get the money out of savings instead of checking, and I was supposed to deposit 2 checks into checking. Back in the van I go with 2 of the kids. We get to the bank, and I decide to go inside this time-I figured this was going to take a while. Of course, I forgot I looked like white trash, because I had been cleaning all day. Oh, and then my son decided he wanted to keep on his bike helmet. Nice! I looked like a real winner, I tell ya.
I walked up to the counter with my tail between my legs as my 2 children decided it was time to be-how should I put this? LOUD! But can you blame them? They had just gotten out of school where they don't let you talk at all. Anyways, I walk up and proceed to tell the lady that when I took money out about 10 minutes ago, I must have had a brain fart. Wasn't that a nice way to start off? I'm sure I sounded really educated. I tried to explain to her that I meant to take out the money from savings, blah, blah, blah. I think she knew, because she immediately started doing a transfer to correct my dumb mistake. Of course, then I had to deposit 2 checks which I didn't know how to do either. She tried to do it for me, but I asked if she could please teach me so I wouldn't have to keep being humiliated every time I grace their doors-if you can call it grace. Everything in me wanted to say, "I'm really not dumb. I promise. See, I can even show you my RN license. I went to college honest. And I know my kids seem out of control, and I look like white trash, but I promise that's not the case either."
But the truth is that is my life. I didn't know how to go to the bank and do those things. My kids were being silly and loud, and they typically are after a long day of school. And sadly, I usually look the way I did, because I'm a stay at home mom that spends a lot of time in shorts, t-shirts, and flip-flops. I don't really want to clean up dog puke, little boy pee, or do 10 loads of laundry in 1 day wearing nice, fancy clothes. I want to be comfortable.
I was caught. That was me, the real me, and I had to remind myself that the real me is OK. Even if I can't figure out this whole banking thing.
I finally finished, got my 30 receipts to document all of my mistakes/fixes, went home with my 2 crazy bike helmet wearing kids only to find another check had just come in the mail. Oh boy! Here we go again. I think I'll wait until Monday-maybe by then they will forget about me. Although, I have a feeling they won't; and not for any other reason than I'm probably the lady they laugh at when I leave and say things like, "Bless her little stupid heart. She doesn't even know how to go to the bank, and she looks so unkempt. I wonder what she does all day?"
Well, I will tell you. I try to figure out this thing called life in a fallen world, all while raising 3 kids hopefully to love Jesus passionately, continually learning how to be a better wife to the Other Nut, constantly being reminded of my sinfulness, always battling my flesh, and hopefully persevering through the pain as Jesus works on cracking me open.
And I have a feeling that is pretty much what everyone does that lives in this sin ravaged world-just trying to figure out this thing called life and navigating through their pain and sin.
Even the ladies at the bank that know how to do all the things I don't-and even look fancy while doing them.