Monday, April 4, 2011

Starting Over

The pressure mounts. I can feel it. Here we go. The pain increases with every little squeeze. The cracking process begins again. Resistance. Anger. Feelings of naivity wash over me.

I want to shut down, crawl in a hole, become unknown. I walk around at night under the black sky. Stars are hidden. The moon unseen. I'm confused and unsure of myself. What? What, God, do you want?

The pressure still increases. The pain is there. Anger is there. Hurt is there. I continue to walk around under the black sky. One foot in the front of the other, not knowing where I'm going. All I hear is the gravel road under my feet.

The pressure becomes intense and finally-CRACK! I'm broken. Tears fall. I find myself at the foot of the Cross.

"Do you see it, My child? Do you know?"

"Yes, Jesus. I see it. I know. I jumped out in faith, but I left You behind."

Tears fall faster as I sit with Jesus. Slowly He rises and begins to walk, and slowly I begin to follow. Gravel road underneath. Sky as black as night. Stars hidden. Moon unseen. But Light leads the way as I walk. One foot in the front of the other. This time I know where I'm going.

Starting over has never felt so good.
















10 comments:

Kara said...

This is beautiful "Ima"...
Broken--falling into His mercy.
Thank you.

"Ima" said...

Kara-thank you. Broken-it's a beautiful place to be with Jesus.

Christy said...

Beautiful...needed to read this today. Is this where you were Friday night? Hope you are sleeping this week.

"Ima" said...

Thanks Christy. I am glad it spoke to you. Yes, this was Friday night. It was a beautiful night that I needed. And sleeping is good-so nice to have the Other Nut next to me-I love that man:)

Other Nut said...

I love this. 13 years and never knew you could write poetry. :) I especially like the last statement. You amaze me.

lori said...

Oh, I do know this feeling. Thankful He is always there no matter.

Brian Miller said...

jumped out on faith and left Him behind...oh yes, i know that and the breaking...

emily wierenga said...

oh wow. jumped out in faith and left him behind... this is so convicting and beautiful. and what a tender picture of grace...

"Ima" said...

Thanks Lori-me too-thankful He is there no matter what; even when I leave Him behind, He follows, right there waiting for me to notice.

Thanks for stopping by Brian. Looking forward to reading more of your writings over at your blog. The first one I read was wonderful and so true.

"Ima" said...

Thanks Emily-convicting yes. When I think about this time, I'm reminded; and yet, I still do it-leave Him behind. Still learning :)

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