The pressure mounts. I can feel it. Here we go. The pain increases with every little squeeze. The cracking process begins again. Resistance. Anger. Feelings of naivity wash over me.
I want to shut down, crawl in a hole, become unknown. I walk around at night under the black sky. Stars are hidden. The moon unseen. I'm confused and unsure of myself. What? What, God, do you want?
The pressure still increases. The pain is there. Anger is there. Hurt is there. I continue to walk around under the black sky. One foot in the front of the other, not knowing where I'm going. All I hear is the gravel road under my feet.
The pressure becomes intense and finally-CRACK! I'm broken. Tears fall. I find myself at the foot of the Cross.
"Do you see it, My child? Do you know?"
"Yes, Jesus. I see it. I know. I jumped out in faith, but I left You behind."
Tears fall faster as I sit with Jesus. Slowly He rises and begins to walk, and slowly I begin to follow. Gravel road underneath. Sky as black as night. Stars hidden. Moon unseen. But Light leads the way as I walk. One foot in the front of the other. This time I know where I'm going.