Monday, May 2, 2011

Words Can Crush A Soul

photo source
Whoever came up with the saying "sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me" wasn't telling the truth.

In fact, words can crush a soul.

I know, because I saw it happen.

And when I did, I wanted to tell them that their actions, or lack thereof, hurt my daughter. I wanted to tell them that one day hopefully they would realize they were wrong. I wanted to tell them that they were missing out on interacting with a sweet little girl. And I wanted to tell my daughter just how rude they were.

But I didn't.

Instead, I watched it unfold before my eyes, watching my daughter wrestle with this situation, all the while seeing the hurt on her face.

I'm not accepted.
I'm an outcast.
I'm not OK.

It's not that I don't care. It's quite the contrary. You see, it's that I care a lot.

I want my daughter to love like Jesus.

I don't want to fight her every battle. I don't want to swoop in anytime she is hurting and fix it. Well, OK maybe that isn't true. I do, but I know that isn't always the best for her.

She needs to learn to wrestle with things, fight battles, process her hurts, process words that are said to hurt, and love like Jesus in the midst of her hurts. . . and I would much rather her do that at a young age, at home in a safe place, instead of later on out in this big, mean world. 

And so I just watched.

As we walked home, the Other Nut and I talked to her. We were right-she was hurt. She had some questions and didn't quite understand. I could tell the wound was already there. Wounds seem to happen so easily don't they? I guess that is one of the consequences of sin.

As we talked through the hurt with her, she thought about her feelings and what she was thinking. I was so proud of her-to see her already processing, fighting against the lies at such a young age. We had a sweet talk, one that I will remember forever.

Part of me still wanted to take away the hurt, the wound already in her little heart, but I can't. Thankfully, she knows the One who can.

And so our conversation turned to Him, and the cost of living for Him.

She knows and embraces this truth in a way that inspires me. Young girl with a big faith.

I'm sure the hurt is still there. She might even remember that day for the rest of her life, but I pray that Jesus will heal the hurt and replace the lies with the truth.

When the conversation was over, she went to her room. And then I heard the sweetest sound. Tears began to fall down my cheeks as I heard her sweet voice singing praises to Jesus. Words that are full of truth.

I cried, because I know how actions, or a lack thereof, and words can hurt so deeply.

I cried, because I hope that somehow through my words, God began to heal her hurt.

I cried, because I was so proud of her for pressing into her hurt, already trying to process things at the young age of 11. 

I cried, because I know that words hurt.

And I cried, because when my kids hurt, I hurt.

Sticks and stones can break my bones,
but words can crush a soul.

Linking up with Words Matter at Roscommon Acres



Mrs. M. said...

Yes they can. The tongue is the hardest muscle to control, and when it is let loose, it destroys.

I am sorry that your daughter has hurt feelings. It is hard to see one of ours in pain. But as you cried, He did also.

Embrace her and know that Our Lord knows the pain and He will strengthen her from here on end.

Mrs. M.

Robyn Q said...

It breaks our hearts to see our girls hurt. It happens. Such a beautiful story. I was walking that path last week, except my fixing ended up leading me to buy a pink rose & a new magazine for a brokenhearted teenager. God is so loving & always with us.

Diana Trautwein said...

Such a sweet, sad but ultimately triumphant story. We do cry for our girls (and our boys, when they're hurt). And it's a very wise mom indeed who can let her girl face into the pain, see the lie and come out hurt, but healing on the other side. Thanks for this.

Heart n Soul said...

a very insightful post with beautiful compassionate thoughts.


I believe that just one of our jobs as a mom, is to provide containment for our kids in life's hurts and hassles. (Like a container.) You have done that beautifully here. You didn't pretend the hurt wasn't there, you didn't take it away . . . you helped your daughter process it in a way that she could then take it to Jesus. Strong work, mom.


ps. The container idea comes from the book "The Mom Factor" by Cloud and Townsend. I love the priviledge of being a container as a mom.

Kendal said...

ouch. so hard not to step in and fight those battles.

Joywriter said...

Thank you for sharing this wonderful story. You have great wisdom to share, so it is exciting to read (on Soli Deo Gloria) about your speaking ministry. I'm emailing a link to you!

Jen said...

Mother's hearts seem to beat alike -- I had tears reading this. You have shown such an amazing example of parenting through such a time as this. And, I believe that Jesus will heal her heart. And, if she does remember this day for the rest of her life, it will be because God wants to use it to show redemption.

Cheryl said...

Lots of tears. I would have wanted to punch them in the face. An aunt can do that, right? ;)

Pamela said...

Such a wise momma. I always thought the hardest part of mothering was watching my children hurt. It's beautiful to picture her hurting heart singing praises to her Heavenly Father.


Amy Sullivan said...

Oh, I get that yucky feeling in my gut when I think of my daughter hurt. Yes, words are powerful, and oh, they learn how to use them early.

Glad you linked-up. I don't think I've been here before.

"Ima" said...

Thank you to everyone for your sweet comments. They are encouraging. This mommy thing can be so hard-it is nice to be encouraged along the way. Just one of the many reasons why I have so enjoyed this blogging thing. I am slowly making it to each of your blogs and just spending time looking around. So fun to see all of the different blogs. It can be kind of addicting:)

Dana said...

I seriously didn't comment on this? I'm sorry. I find it so hard to know when to intervene, when to rescue and when to just let my children struggle through a situation.

"Ima" said...

Dana-I totally understand. I have been so busy lately, I haven't been able to comment or respond on anything. You are right-it is so hard when to know.

I have spent some time on your blog and need to spend some more. You are a courageous woman sharing your story with us. It brings tears to my eyes. Hope to be linking up again and spending more time there.

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