Saturday, July 9, 2011

Judy Moody and the Weeping Willow

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Well, Judy Moody and the Weeping Willow have come to visit at the Nutcase home. And the thing is, I didn't invite either one. They just showed up unannounced, and a little too early I might add. Judy Moody seems to speak out of turn, and Weeping Willow just starts wailing without any warning, and over silly little things. Like take today for instance. She started crying just because she didn't want any lunch. And even if she did, she didn't know what she wanted. Besides, she said she felt "bloated" anyways. This is nothing new though; she said she feels bloated all the time lately. So, in between tears, she asked the Other Nut (who probably would like Judy Moody and the Weeping Willow to move out), "if this is how it's going to be from now on, and please Jesus, let it not be."

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And then, Judy Moody decided to get really frustrated with the advancement of technology, and how it really isn't that great anyways. She couldn't understand the love of the next latest and greatest thing that will probably break anyways after you just spent a lot of money; and besides, "they just don't make things like they use too." Thankfully, Judy Moody knew she was being well, moody, and so she just told the Other Nut to just remember that she was crazy. The Other Nut, in all his wisdom, just smiled and hugged Judy Moody and the Weeping Willow.

You know, Judy Moody and the Weeping Willow have been around for about 7 months, their presence slowly becoming more obvious. Judy Moody has to work especially hard at being patient with pretty much anyone around her. And the Weeping Willow? Well, she is just glad that she hasn't started crying out in public, scaring all the people around her. Scaring the Other Nut is enough. I tell you what though; Judy Moody and the Weeping Willow sure are thankful for the Other Nut. He, even as a man, is so understanding towards these recent visitors. He hasn't even tried to kick them out.

I guess he has had lots of practice living with Touchy Thyroid, because she gets all out of whack sometimes too. And if you know anything about Touchy Thyroid, she can wreak havoc on other things around her, including Judy Moody and the Weeping Willow. Come to think of it, maybe she's showing up too here lately. And don't forget Loony Lyme. She lives around here too. She has been quite the pest around here for approximately 2 years now. She really bothers my brain. Oh my! How can I forget about Patty Panic? She has given the Other Nut plenty of practice in preparation for these 2 other nuts that have moved in. One doctor thinks that maybe it was Loony Lyme that invited Patty Panic over. I told you she's a pest. Although Patty Panic isn't too bothersome lately. But boy when she was, we sure didn't get much sleep over here at the Nutcase house. Actually, it sounds more like a Nutcase farm, because I sure seem to grow 'em, Nutcases I mean, pretty good. This is a bonafide Nut Farm.  

But I digress. I was talking about Judy Moody and the Weeping Willow.

The Other Nut, or anyone else for that matter, doesn't even know when they will really show their presence or speak up. Judy Moody and the Weeping Willow just appear out of nowhere, in the middle of a crazy cycle that is kind of like a hurricane. And for the last 7 months, this hurricane has hung around for 2 weeks at a time. Ugh! This really makes Judy Moody really frustrated and mad, and the Weeping Willow just cries about it. She's kind of a baby like that. Now, I know that isn't really nice, but that's just Judy Moody talking. She thinks the Weeping Willow is a big baby. But, then again, the Weeping Willow thinks Judy Moody is a big Oscar the Grouch that doesn't have any feelings, except the frustrated, annoyed feeling. Come to think of it, they don't really like one another. They always seem to be competing for more time around here at the Nutcase house when really the best thing would be for them both to just move on along to somewhere else.

Judy Moody gets really frustrated at the dripping sheets in the middle of the night. She is really tired of getting up and drying herself off in the middle of the night too. She finds it kind of gross. The Weeping Willow just wants to cry about it sometimes, but then that just adds to the whole wet factor so she doesn't. And Judy Moody doesn't let her anyways.

And oh! Judy Moody is really frustrated with her hair falling out. She is pretty sure that she is going to be bald soon, because every time she takes a shower, she gets a hand full of hair. And if she has to clean out the drain one more time, she just might scream. And don't even try to tell her that she is being ungrateful and whiny (that's the Weeping Willow anyways), because she just might tell you the what for. Trust me; I've tried to talk to her about being grateful and all, and that she really has a great life. And all she says when she decides to speak is "blah, blah, blah."

And then the Weeping Willow cries, because she knows she's being whiny, but just can't seem to stop the crying. It's not like she wants to cry over lunch. And she feels bad for Judy Moody, because she knows Judy Moody doesn't really want to be a grouch. They've talked it over many times so they get each other-when they're not arguing that is. And don't even get the Weeping Willow started with the Other Nut and the Little Nuts. She really feels sorry for them having to put up with her and all. She's nice like that. Judy Moody? Well, sometimes she doesn't feel sorry for anyone. She's kind of mean like that sometimes.

And so today, Judy Moody and the Weeping Willow took themselves to the doctor in hopes of getting some answers on how to move on to someone else; they realized they really aren't liking living at the Nutcase household. I mean, come on, "those people are crazy over there. Especially that woman." They went prepared to give up as much blood as needed to determine why they appeared. The Other Nut had a talk with both of them before they left. He told Judy Moody "please don't hit anyone while you're there. I know you don't want to be patient, but just try really hard OK? Just try to talk calmly." I guess he didn't want to have to bail Judy Moody out of the slammer. Come to think of it, he didn't really address the Weeping Willow. I guess he figured crying uncontrollably wouldn't land her in the slammer. They both behaved themselves once they got there; but the drive there was pretty tough. Judy Moody didn't like any of the cars around her, because they of course, were making her late and always got in her dumb way. The Weeping Willow just wanted to cry, because she might be late and "what if they wouldn't see her!" Whaaaaa! Like Judy Moody said, she's such a baby!

They did donate a lot of blood. So much, in fact, that the doctor said, "If you aren't anemic now, you will be when you get done." If all this blood doesn't give them some clue, Judy Moody will probably get frustrated, and the Weeping Willow will just cry. Judy Moody will want to demand a refund, and the Weeping Willow will just cry. Judy Moody will keep searching for answers, and the Weeping Willow will just cry.  Judy Moody will want to punch someone, and the Weeping Willow will just cry. I bet you knew what the Weeping Willow would do, didn't you?

And don't even say, "well, at 36 years old, isn't it mighty early for these 2 to show up uninvited." We all know it is. Please, by all means, tell my body that, because apparently it didn't get the message. And, please don't tell me that I'm just crazy even though I know it seems like I am, especially when you read paragraph 4, because really, I'm just a woman that has had an awful lot of uninvited guests. It's not like I asked the little tick to bite me, or that I asked my body to please, oh please, kill my thyroid so I can get all out of whack. Hopefully, you get the point. Judy Moody just might tell you the what for. She's mean like that remember?

Unlike that horrible male doctor that told me I just needed Prozac. Actually, he told me that every woman should take the little bill called Prozac, because then the divorce rate would go down, because "women wouldn't take everything so personally and get all worked up over nothing. If women could just calm down a bit." Needless to say, I quit seeing this doctor which is a good thing for his sake. And it might keep Judy Moody out of the slammer.

So anyways, while some of you are maybe watching "Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer," we at the Nutcase house are watching "Judy Moody and the Weeping Willow." Hopefully, my movie won't be an extended version, because, quite frankly, I'm ready for them to move out. They bug me.

And with that, I'm going to bed so I can sweat. I wonder if Judy Moody will show up or the Weeping Willow? Exciting times around here, I tell ya!

Oh, and I'll keep you posted on these 2 nuts. Because, I know you are all dying to know the outcome. And if you're not? Well, Judy Moody doesn't care; she'll tell you anyways. And the Weeping Willow? We all know what she'll do; she'll just cry, because she's a big ol' baby!


Debbie said...

OK, let me say first that I DO want an update.

But can I also say that this is absolutely POSITIVELY the best blog post I've ever read in my life? I laughed all the way through. (Well, not at the male doctor. Him I got a little Judy Moody on...)

You are so hilarious and gifted that I don't even have the words.
I just reread this to my daughter, but I couldn't do it without giggles.


Lisa Maria said...

Oh Tami.. I have a little Judy Moody myself. What an absolutely awful doctor.. I'm kinda sorry Judy didn't smack him good!

I hope the tests turn up something helpful (I don't think I could give that much blood.. I feel like passing out from one vial!)

Its nice to see you can take this experience and inject some humour into it.. that sort of lessens its power to floor you.. doesn't it?

Keep me posted on how things go.. meanwhile I be praying.

Love & Hugs

"Ima" said...

Debbie thank you so much for the sweet comment. The Weeping Willow almost cried. :) I will definitely keep you posted, or you'll see me on the six o'clock news if they tell me "nothings wrong. You're just crazy." And isn't that doctor just a meany?

"Ima" said...

Lisa Maria-you know, Judy Moody so wanted to smack him good. The only thing that kept me from decking him was the Holy Spirit and a good dose of stubborness-I didn't want to give him any reason to believe that he was right about women so I kept my cool-until I left, and then I called everyone I knew to tell them to never go see him again :) That was Judy Moody. Thanks for praying. I will keep you posted. I should hear something on the 18th.

Christy said...

Well, I love Judy Moody and Weeping Willow no matter what they are doing ;) (I would have beat the snot out of that Prozac doc...we could have been cell mates in jail) If we don't connect at church today I'll be calling you this afternoon. When can I bring you a gallon of Diet Coke???

Stacie said...

Honest and humorous... a great combination! Praying for some healing and that you'll have grace for yourself, too. :)

"Ima" said...

Hey Christy-thanks girl! I'm so glad you still love me-Judy Moody and all! Because I'm a little Judy Moody right now-no sleep will do that to you. And that doc? I'm just glad I found a new one that doesn't think I'm crazy.

Thanks Stacie-welcome the prayers over here. And thank you for the reminder to give myself grace. Lately, I haven't wanted to do much that is responsible (my house looks awful), but I haven't had any energy or motivation to really clean it. Plus, we've been in summer mode, but I am having a hard time not feeling bad about it and kind of like a waste of flesh-so thanks for the reminder.

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