"Mom, why did God make me have this problem? I mean, He just doesn't seem like the type of person that would put me through this. But I do know that He has a purpose, I just don't know what it is. And also, mom. I know that He can heal me right now, but what if He doesn't? I guess I just don't know what my future holds, but I know He has a purpose."
My little mommy heart was just rocking back and forth between sadness and joy. I don't want my little Hazelnut to have to worry about this for the rest of her life. But I also want her to wrestle with these hard questions to grow her faith.
Do we ever stop wrestling with these questions? The "why" questions, because really often times we don't understand the bigger picture, the God-plan for our lives.
And I'm thankful for my little 10 year old's faith, and my heart poured forth joy and thanksgiving as I watched her take communion this morning at church, as I watched all of my children take communion. There is nothing better than watching your kids eat of the bread and drink of the cup, knowing that they love Jesus.
And the little Hazelnut couldn't wait to get there this morning and partake, because "it's so important." Last night she danced around the kitchen, simply excited for church in the morning.
She couldn't wait to see her friends, and as she said, "tell them about the power of God."
While I walked away from the weekend in the hospital feeling traumatized, for lack of a better word, my little Hazelnut walked away with a deeper faith. I can see it. I can hear it in her words, in her constant awareness of God and His power around her.
"Mom, I believe that God made that game break so I could get my sister and brother a toy. If it hadn't broke, I wouldn't have been able to play an extra game and get more tickets. I think God did that for me, mom. He wanted me to get them a toy, and so I did."
"Mom, do you know that I prayed God would help me find a good swimsuit, one that wasn't tacky. And do you know mom, that we did find one."
"Mom, I am. so. excited to go to church. Mom, I get to tell people about the power of God in my life."
She could hardly get to sleep.
And I remembered my prayer a while back, a prayer that asked God to really show Himself to my little Hazelnut, that she would really see Him and even now at a young age, begin to live passionately for Him.
With Bible in hand, and tithe too, off she went this morning to share about the power of God to a room full of her friends. It was her testimony of a big God that she really saw this weekend. And she didn't forget; His provisions and protection bound to her heart forever.
May this be the start of a wonderful God-story of her life that honors God and lives passionately for Him.
May I cling to this truth of what He did for her and her faith this weekend when anxiety tries to take hold and steal this joyful truth.
May I choose to see a faith that grew, and a little girl that really saw Jesus.
Have you really seen Him? I mean, really seen Him for all that He is, and all that He does?