Monday, November 5, 2012

Cracking Open the Nutcase (or trying anyways)

So, yesterday was okay. I started the day on the couch. The Walnut had a really low grade fever Saturday night so we felt it best to not take him to church. Since I was feeling a little under the weather in various ways, I gladly stayed home with him while everyone else went to church. Once the afternoon hit, I gradually got off the couch and actually did a few things. I’ve been painting a lot lately. There are things in our new house that don’t really reflect our personality as a family so I’m painting them. I do really love decorating although I wouldn’t say that I’m really great at it. And I’m quite slow at projects, but I eventually get them done. I told the Other Nut that if I can’t teach the Bible to women, I guess I’ll just paint. I even dug way back to my art painting days and painted a tree on the wall in my study. Of course, I’m not done with that project so I can’t show it yet, but I do have a purpose with the whole tree on the wall thing. I’m hoping for it to be a reminder to “grow where you’re planted”, something the whole Nutcase family needs to be reminded of lately. We’re all at different stages of this journey, some further than others. Some days, some of us want to grow and just blossom here; other days, we (and when I say “we”, I usually mean me) just want to shrivel up, wilt, and die a slow death. It is only by the grace of God that I usually find my way out of those days, finding a renewed sense of “I can do this” mentality. I must admit, though, those moments don’t last too long. I feel like a kid on one of those teeter totters going up and down, except there isn’t anyone on the other end. It’s just me, alone, going up and down, wanting so badly to get off of this sickening ride.

After some painting, I decided to go with the Other Nut to the grocery store to have a small date. Yes, he does all of the grocery shopping. If left up to me, we would all starve. I think I would rather pluck out my eyelashes that make a list, shop, put it all away, and then have to get it all back out to cook it. I just don’t understand why we can’t all just live on almonds, smoothies, and other things that don’t require cooking. Before we even got to the store, I was complaining about how boring shopping is. Needless to say, I have been fired from going to the grocery store with the Other Nut. Oh boy, I’m really sad about that! I teased him and told him he tortured me when in fact, I tortured him.
We made it home and because of daylight savings time, it felt and looked like 10 pm. It was only 6:45. Not my favorite feeling. We (read- the Other Nut) got everything put away, the kids got ready for bed, and then the Other Nut and I set about to piddle for a while on some projects.
And then my cell phone rang. I answered it and was so excited that it was someone from this city that I have met. She was calling to say hi and invite me to her Bible Study (good Bible Study story coming soon that will make you feel really good about yourself and make you wonder why my counselor ever thought I was healthy enough to be released.) Tim, just FYI-you could totally retire on my mental and emotional problems right now.
But I digress. Where was I? Oh yeah, I was on the phone making a complete fool of myself. Yep, I talked this poor lady’s ears off. I decided I needed to tell her all about my life over the last 4 months when I’m sure she had other things she needed to be doing. But it was so great to be called by someone here; that could possibly be a friend that I could have lunch or dinner with. Like I mentioned, I just want a friend that is here, present, in this city. And she called me! I didn’t have to try really hard to get over my insecurities and call someone. That just intimidates me for so many reasons. I’ll write on that soon-the whole concept of being the new girl.
So, I talked and talked and talked to this poor lady. To be known is a good feeling.

Until I hung up the phone.

I ended up feeling like such a fool, that I ended my night crying in my closet as I got ready for bed. The Other Nut held me until I fell asleep on the couch.
So that’s awesome. I started my day on the couch and ended my day on the couch. So much for cracking open my nutcase (yeah, I changed the whole saying to go with my blog theme. Hey, I’m just trying to be a good blogger lady). I think it just wrapped itself around even tighter as I cried in my closet about how stupid I probably sounded on the phone.

Not sure how successful yesterday was. I’m guessing probably not much.

1 comment:

Lisa Maria said...

Doing some catch up reading...I've been offline for a while. Love your idea of the very creative! I laughed out loud at the 'shopping date' thing...believe it or not, my children often accuse my husband and I of disappearing on a date when we've gone to the grocery. I could just imagine how you felt after the phone conversation. I've felt that way myself at times. Praying for you Ima...hope things improve for you.

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