Ex Women's Ministry Director/Bible Study Teacher Knocks Over Ladies as She Runs Out of Bible Study
You might be wondering how in the world can someone go from that to running out of a Bible Study. And you might even be wondering what sort of major insecurities does this woman have to force her to almost knock people over.
Well, I'll tell you the story so sit back, relax and get ready to feel better about yourself.
It all started when I decided to put on my big girl panties and sign up for Bible study at the new church we are going to. It's always good to get involved and meet people right? So I signed up even though, to be honest, I wasn't all that thrilled about the study being done. We were going to be doing a Beth Moore study on James.
Now, before you fall over, and I hear this collective gasp about not being thrilled about a Beth Moore study, let me explain. It isn't Beth Moore that I don't really like. It is more about the fact that it seems so many churches, especially Baptist, don't do anything but her studies. I find people that almost seem to worship her (which I'm sure she wouldn't want).
Also, I don't really like video series being done all of the time. I think it is just too easy to develop a ministry that allows women to not get that involved. I know there are women out in the audience that could teach the Bible, although it might be a little rough at first and hard to find them and train them. Yes, this is coming from a Bible teacher so maybe I'm a bit biased; but I have seen some awesome things happen in the lives of women at our old church, because we didn't do video series. I have seen women step out of their comfort zone to serve in various ways, because the ministry wasn't focused around video series (thank you Barbara for looking for teachers). There are women teaching now that use to think that they couldn't even get up and talk in front of people. It is a cool thing to see.
And when women see other women doing things, they begin to feel like they can do things too. They may not necessarily end up on the teaching route, but they end up doing something. I have had so many women say that seeing someone that they personally know and physically see every Sunday get up and teach the Bible inspires them. It inspires them, because they see the person doing life; the good, the bad, and the ugly. It inspires them to wonder what their gift's are and to seek them out. And all of a sudden, you have someone that wasn't all that involved in women's ministry getting involved, using her gifts.
Now, I'm sure there are many arguments to support the positive usage of videos, and I might even read them in the comments section as I'm sure I just opened a can of worms :)
But I truly digress. I'm supposed to be telling you why I ran out of Bible Study-and it isn't because of Beth Moore and videos.
The first day was okay. The room was full of round tables, each fitting about 10 women. I found a table in the back of course and sat down. The room began to fill up, and I estimated about 75-80 women were in there. My table quickly filled up, mostly with women that appeared to be my age, give or take 5 years. I did notice that one woman had sat down early on who was quite a bit older than the rest of us at the table. People appeared to know her though.
But, then she got up and left for the table in front that was full of women her age. Now, because of what I did at my old church, I view everything through women's ministry co-leader/Bible Study teacher. It's just a habit, I guess. I did it for so long, and I was always needing to notice things; things that worked, things that didn't work, ways to make the ministry better, etc. Actually, "needing" isn't the best word to use. I wanted to, because I love ministering to women. Anyways, I noticed this, and it made me wonder if the group wasn't fully connected; you know, the women stay within their own age group. This was foreign to me, because we had worked so hard at my old church to not let this happen. We wanted all ages to connect, as each generation can help the other.
The women that were left behind were quite nice and friendly. They knew I was the "new girl", because we had to introduce ourselves. Everyone else knew each other, but I didn't get the sense that they weren't welcoming. They may have been a bit shocked at my reason for coming, but they were still welcoming. You see, we had to answer one of two questions; 1) What is your favorite Beth Moore Bible Study and why? (I'm sure you can guess that I just loved this question) or 2) Why did you choose to come to this study? (This question was for us crazy people that have never done one of her studies which I'm pretty sure I was the only one that answered this question.)
So my answer was "Well, I don't really want to be here. I really want to be home, back in Richmond, to be honest. I really just came, because I know this is good for me." I've never been one to lie very well. Plus, I don't believe in wearing masks, especially in church. I could never win at poker.
I don't know if this answer turned people off or what, but the truth is what they were getting from me. It's not like I said it mean. I just really wanted to be home. It felt so odd to be in that room, sitting at a table. Not being able to teach the Bible felt like someone had cut my right arm off, took away my oxygen and told me to go on living. Watching someone else do it was just plain hard. I'm sure the expression on my face showed the complete discomfort I felt, like somehow I was sitting in someone else's body. And I'm pretty sure that expression wasn't exactly warm and fuzzy; think deer in headlights, someone plucking out your eyelashes, fingernails scraping on a chalk board look.
(I know this post is getting way too long, but it's my blog anyways. Plus, this is therapy for me as I process this whole moving thing. I'm trying to let Jesus crack open this new nutcase I've acquired thanks to moving, and that requires thoughts, lots of thoughts. Not to mention, my counselor is 6 hours away. I know, I know-I can just find a new counselor, but I have attachment problems.)
Where was I? Oh yeah, day one. It was almost over, and I was so glad. There was a glimmer of hope though, because the women were, like I said, friendly.
But that hope was dashed the minute the leaders said that next week would be small group week, and we were to pick our own small group! I about fell out of my chair in pure panic. What was I going to do?
You'll find out tomorrow. Yeah, I know I always say "tomorrow" and then it is like 3 days later, but really, I do plan on it being tomorrow this time.