Is it a bad sign that I'm already shortening the title out of laziness? Probably. And considering this was supposed to be posted last night, I would say this isn't going so well. Hey, I wanted to go to sleep before I finished. What can I say?
I wake up feeling sore all over. I can tell this is going to be a bad day physically. I feel like I slept well, but I can still sleep for much longer. I drag myself out of bed anyways, say bye to my 2 youngest kids, and take my oldest to school. It is a dreary day which is contributing to me not feeling well. Weather like today usually brings on a migraine. And yet, I strangely like it because it reminds of Houston-it is overcast, humid, and kind of drizzly.
I skip Chick-Fil-A and head to Sonic for a diet coke. I know I drink way too much at times, but I'm tired and I'm addicted. Breakfast is bread and butter with my diet coke. I eat while I watch another one of my shows, again in my study.
My show ends, I notice how dark it is outside which makes the inside of my home feel cozy, and I take a shower. I can't remember the last time I took one so I stay in there for a long time, letting the water drip over my head wishing it would wash away the depression and hopelessness. My mind turns over and over as I think about so many things, many of them repeat thoughts that I can't seem to process.
I shut off the water and put on pajamas. I at least put on my contacts to feel more awake. My head is fighting to contain a migraine that wants to start, but I'm too stubborn to take my meds. I squirt the stuff up my nose instead that helps with my sinuses.
I'm feeling the exhaustion grow. I text my husband to see if he wants to come home during lunch since he is going to work late. He says yes which gives me something to look forward to. I drag my body to my bed, sit down and start watching another one of my shows. My bed feels good, and the weather is still dreary-the kind of weather that makes you want to sleep. My body still hurts all over.
My husband shows up with lunch, and we talk about life-how we feel like we are drowning. We feel like we spend more time under water than above. We talk about how we are all exhausted of life here and the loneliness that we all feel. We have no answers of how to make it better, and we decide that we feel like we are living in another country because the culture seems so different. Truth be told, we just want a friend-all 5 of us just want a friend. We talk about moving for the 5,326th time, wondering if he should look for another job anywhere but here. We even talk about moving to different states sometimes. We find it odd that only 6 hours from home can feel like we are on the other side of the world. We know that we are still spoiled with American amenities and wealth, but there is something about the culture/people that makes us feel this way. We both talk about what to do and our possibilities to make it better.
I realize that I am so tired and just want a friend. I don't want to be invited to a Bible study. I don't want a church program crammed down my throat. I am tired of being told "I will pray for God to bring you a friend" and then watch that person walk off, never to speak again. I just want someone to offer their time to me, to ask me to lunch or the mall, and not just the obligatory one time. I want someone to do it, because they have a desire to get to know me, to be my friend. I want to be enough for someone to make room for me in their life. I don't want to be a project. I want to be known.
Shawn has to leave now, and I realize the migraine has won. I slip off into dreamland, only to wake up when my youngest gets home from school. I'm still tired, but my head isn't pounding. We wait for the girls to get home as the weather turns bad with tornado warnings. The buses are late, but everyone is fine and the weather calms down.
The 2 younger kids get in trouble AGAIN over not doing homework, and Shawn and I leave to go get 2 bedside tables I found on Craigslist. Thankfully, the tables are perfect-and the people don't turn out to be murderers.
We pick up KFC and Sonic drinks on the way home which we do now more than we care to admit. Just surviving lowers your standards.
We eat, watch The Cosby Show, talk about our days some more, and the kids get ready for bed. Shawn talks a little more with kids, because frankly he has more energy today than me. My body is starting to hurt again, and my head is gearing up again.
Kids are in bed. We sit down on the couch with our ice cream to watch The Middle. This is our therapy so please "decider of shows" people, don't ever cancel it. This is our 30 minutes of laughter as we watch ourselves being played out on screen.
The show ends, and we immediately realize that we are both exhausted to the core. We drag ourselves to get ready for bed, although I forgo washing my face. We fall into bed just thankful that we made it through another day. "We are lonely, but we have each other" we say as we fall asleep. We thank each other again for being best friends.